Thankful?

 Dear You,


"Give thanks in all circumstances"

There are times when this verse from 1 Thessalonians makes me want to hurl.  Why in the world would I want to thank God for keeping me from being in a relationship right now??  And why would I want to say thanks for being miserable, even when I strive not to be?

I really struggle with being thankful for my singleness...it's one of the biggest points of contention in my life.  It frustrates me so much, because I hate being miserable about something I really can't change.  I've prayed that God would open my heart to the possibilities and opportunities of singleness since I was a teenager but even now at almost 22, I still detest being single.  I have read every book possible, prayed every prayer I know how, and have tearfully wrestled with God countless times but still cannot make myself be thankful for my singleness.

Dear one, I feel like such a failure for not knowing how to allow God to fill my emptiness.  I struggle with knowing how to know and understand that God is more than capable of being my "all."  I am so caught up in feeling lonely that I can't focus on the Creator of my heart.  I find myself being almost angry at God for denying me what I want more than anything; I resent hearing how I should be happy with Him because I don't know HOW to be happy in Him alone.

Ever since I was a teenager, I knew in my heart that my deepest desire was to be a wife and mama.  When others were planning for powerful careers, I dreamed about raising babies and being a good wife.  I also dreamed of being a young mama...something that hasn't happened.  I'm resentful because my plans haven't happened; I'm angry at God for not letting me having what I want more than anything else in life.  I struggle to keep a positive perspective on my singleness when everyone around me is happy with a boyfriend or husband.

I really wish you were here...