Good Place

Dear You,

Lately, instead of being lonely, I've been filled with a sense of fullness; almost as if life is somehow complete.  Don't get me wrong, I still would love to be with you, but I haven't felt the acute pain I've been dealing with before.  I almost feel like my life is complete for now...like I'm perfectly happy being single.

I have no idea where this came from; all I know is that God must be incredibly faithful to honor my prayers for contentment.  I haven't ever felt this content with my relationship status and it's almost weird to be so happy with my singleness.  Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be single forever, but for the time being, I'm more than happy with being "just me."  I can't imagine being in a relationship in the near future because I know I have some work to do before I go seeking my soul mate.  I want to grow into the woman God wants me to be before I meet you :)

Being this happy is a little strange for me, but I'm not going to complain...happiness is something I can deal with!  Even though I know that I want to meet you someday, I'm in no hurry to rush God's plan.  I know that if I continue to trust Him, He'll blow me away with his beautiful story for my life.  And at the end of the day, I'm confident that you are a part of His plan :)

So until we meet, I'll keep living a full and HAPPY life,

'Tis the Season

Dear You,

It's Christmas Eve! I've always loved Christmas, because it's a time for me to remember my Savior, who was born to save me from my sins.  I like to picture Jesus as a baby, with Mary cuddling him close; I love remember that Jesus was indeed a real person who started out as a baby.  I'm always humbled by how amazing His grace is...I definitely don't deserve what He's done for me.

As excited as I am for Christmas, it also hurts a little knowing I'm not celebrating with you.  The holidays are yet another reminder for single people that they are alone; we don't have a special someone to buy presents for or kids to surprise.  I don't have someone to hold hands with during Christmas Eve services and no kids to tuck in to bed to wait for Santa's arrival. 

But during the Christmas season, I have hope that someday I'll have those things.  I believe that God has a beautiful future planned for me.  I trust that He will give me a family to bake for, a Christmas tree to decorate with my kids, a hand to hold as we watch our kids open their presents.  I have faith that He will bring you into my life and we'll have many wonderful Christmases in our future.

Have Faith

Dear You,

When I was in middle school, I started praying for a best friend. I waiting almost 10 years before God answered my prayer and now I have an amazing friend, Emily, who is the best friend I could ever ask for.  There were times that I wanted someone, anyone to be friends with, even if they weren't the right kind of person for me to be around.  However, I've learned recently that God's plan for my life is better than my own plan, even though sometimes it hurts to wait for Him.  If I had settled for mediocre relationships, I would have never gotten close with Emily.  She's the perfect complement to my personality and I'm so glad all the pain and tears were finally worth it.

Waiting for you is just like waiting for a best friend: I've been praying for almost as long for God to bring me a godly man with no answer.  There are times I just want to say, "Hello??  God, are you listening to my prayers?  Do you see me cry myself to sleep because I'm so lonely?  Do you care that I'm hurting?"  I did the same thing when I was praying for a friend, but my impatience didn't speed up God's plan any.  He knows when the right time is to bring you into my life and I have to trust He is working.

Dear one, it all comes down to faith: do I believe that God has my best interest in mind or do I believe He's holding out on me?  I've been shown through praying for a best friend that He does indeed have my best interest in mind...it just might not look like what I think it should.  I struggle daily with trusting He has my love life perfectly planned and I often forget that I'm not the one in control.  For me, it all boils down to faith.  Do I trust that God is going to answer my prayers, even when it takes Him a long time?  Or do I doubt that He is indeed good and in control of my entire existence?

Even when it's hard, I pray that I can choose to trust He is good.  He brought me an amazing best friend, so I know He can bring you into my life...I just need to have faith.

Faithfully loving you,

22

Dear You,

Today is my 22nd birthday. I wish you were here to celebrate it with me; however, a larger part of me is glad you're not here, for several reasons I'm going to list:

1. I can go out with my friends tonight and get hit on without worrying about what you would think.

2. I can eat cake without feeling guilty about gaining weight!

3. I don't have to worry about dividing my day in so many places (your parents, my parents, my work friends, my school friends, etc)

4. I can stay out as late as I want tonight without feeling guilty that I've neglected you and come home in any condition I want ;)

Ok, so maybe those are lame excuses for being glad you're not here, but hey, they make me feel better. I've been struggling a lot lately with being single but for right now, I'm ok with it. I'm learning to live in the moment and allow God to work when He sees fit...not sure if this was what I pictured 22 to look like but I know that it's exactly what God pictured!

Still loving you,

Holding Out On Me

Dear You,

What do you do when you feel like God is holding out on you? That's exactly what I'm feeling right now...I feel like God has forgotten me. Does He not see that I want more than anything to be a wife and mother? Doesn't He see that I'd be an amazing wife, loving and supporting of the things you would do? Doesn't He know my heart and my desire to love and raise kids of my own? Can't He see how much I'm hurting?

I really don't have words right now but I do know I'm hurting.  I'm hurting more than I have in a long time and wish more than anything that God would see how much I hurt.  I see people around me being blessed with boyfriends, fiances, husbands, and children and wish more than anything that I could experience the same blessings for myself.

Why is waiting so hard?

Thinking

Dear You,

I've always been a thinking person...sometimes, it's been more of a bad thing than a good thing.  I tend to get myself caught up in thinking about everything from clothes to world hunger.  However, I often think a lot about you and what our life together will look like someday.

I think about our wedding and what a beautiful day it will be.  I picture me in an ivory lace dress holding a bouquet of flowers and my dad's arm; at the same time, I picture you standing at the front of the church waiting for me to meet you.  I think about what it will feel like when the church doors open and our eyes meet for the first time.  Will I cry?  Will you cry?  What will I be thinking about as I walk down the aisle to meet you?

One thing that's always been consistent in my thinking is that I always pictured myself married young.  For pete's sake, my mom was pregnant with me when she was my age and even my grandma had a baby too, so my models for relationships are all young moms.  Now that I'm 2 weeks away from 22, I realize that my dream of being a young wife and mom probably won't come true.  I'm not over the hill by any means, but the way I thought my life would end up isn't happening.  There are times when I wish things were different and that you and I were together already...I'm not going to lie, waiting for you is one of the hardest things I've ever done!  However, I am slowly realizing that God knows exactly what He's doing; even though my plans aren't working out, His are right on track.

So I'll just keep thinking but at the same time, I'll be expectant for what's to come.  I don't want to think so much that my expectations of you are too unrealistic.  I don't want to imagine this perfect little life and then be disappointed when things aren't like I pictured.  I'll allow God to bless me with a love only He can script and will wait for His plans to unfold.

Thinking about you,

My Prayer Today

Dear You,

Today for some reason, God has been prompting me to pray for you.  I'm not sure why, but I'm going to because God must know you need it right now.

"Lord, right now I pray for my future husband, whoever he is and wherever he is.  I pray that You would be with him right now and provide for his needs in a way only You can.  I'm not sure what's going on in his life, but You do, so I ask that You would give him strength to face whatever comes his way.  I also pray that You would surround him with people who will love and support him in the decisions and choices he makes.  I ask that You would shape his heart to be a man after Your own heart so that he can be a mighty force for Your kingdom.  Keep him focused on You and protect him as he lives a life worthy of Your calling.


Jesus, please keep shaping me to be the woman he needs and help me to remember that it's Your timing, not mine, when our paths will cross.  Help me to remember and realize that true contentment comes only from You; please teach me what it means to wholly embrace you as the One who can meet all my needs!"

I hope you realize that I pray for you daily!  Whenever I get down about being single, I use that as a reminder to pray for you...that way, I'm doing something productive while I wait.

Loving you, even though you're not here yet,